


The Talk

by CaptainPeggyCarter21



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Canon Compliant, Gen, Hurt Steve Rogers, POV Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22537750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainPeggyCarter21/pseuds/CaptainPeggyCarter21
Summary: Full disclosure: I liked the Endgame ending. I think most people are really just upset that we never got the Steve-Bucky moment we've been waiting so many years for.So, I made a scene that takes place before Steve returns the infinity stones. He and Bucky sit down and talk everything out. Hopefully, it helps some of you cope with the unpopular ending.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers
Comments: 6
Kudos: 5





	The Talk

I sit at the kitchen table in the communal area of the Avengers compound. Steve sits across from me, the light under the microwave casting shadows across his features. He looks older. Tired. Deeper lines around his face, graying hair at his temples. Of course, he was a century younger last time I saw him. So, all in all, not bad.

We didn’t want to draw attention by turning on any more lights. We can both see just fine like this anyway. It’s three in the morning. Steve’s story had taken much longer than anticipated. Then again, I have an entire decade to catch up on. Everything from the plane crash, to the attack in New York, to Tony friggin' Stark. Who would’ve thought after seventy years, Steve would still be screwing around with a Stark?

Starks. I don’t think there will come a day when stomach doesn’t knot over that name.

It’s the first time we’ve been able to really talk since I escaped Hydra. Which was apparently because Steve, Sam, and a lady named Nat tried to overthrow the government. Damn kid. Should’ve put him on a leash when he was too small to fight back.

I knew Nat. But not as Nat. She was someone else. I’ll figure it out one day. Without reading the files, even if they are online.

“Buck, you alright?” Steve looks at me with such concern. Like I’m going to pull a knife out of nowhere and hurl it at his head.

Not entirely unwarranted. I nod, tapping my fingers on the table. “Just- a lot.”

I had just gotten my feet under me during the Accords. Then straight back in the freezer. I’d only been awake a few weeks when Steve finally showed back up. I guess that’s not fair. Apparently, he visited quite often while I was under. Stupid Rogers never did know when to give up. More loyal than the damn golden retriever Gabe brought back to camp in Liverpool.

Steve nods and looks back at his hands. “Yeah, I know.”

“No, you don’t.” Even after hours of conversation, my own voice sounds foreign to me. I don’t hear it much anymore. That needs to change.

I snort to myself- easier said than done. Especially with tall, blonde, and self-sacrificing staring you in the face with those big, blue puppy eyes all day. Maybe if I went back to Wakanda it’d be easier. I lean back in my chair, running my right hand through my hair. The new prosthetic doesn’t get stuck as much; it’s just a habit at this point.

Damn it. There they are: the eyes. I shouldn’t have said anything. Now he’s upset. “Look, it’s just- you woke up and lived a life.” Why does he always look so hurt? “Every time I come out of it, something throws me back under.” I shake my head. “We were really gone for five years? Just-” I blow a puff of air out and splay my fingers.

Steve chuckles, “It was slightly more traumatic than that, but yeah.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Logistics were a nightmare. Both times. But that’s a story for another day.”

I lift my beer bottle, smirking at Steve. “You got anything stronger around here?”

“This is Stark’s place, so yeah.” his smile falls. “Was.”

It’s only been a week since the Battle of Earth, which is what the news keeps calling the second standoff with Thanos. Ridiculous. How did I get sucked into both of those?

“I’ll see if I can find some.” Steve stands, chair scraping across the floor, and slides his full beer to the side.

Oh, right.

“Nah, I’m just yanking your chain.” I wave him back down. “Wouldn’t make a difference anyway.”

Steve had taken it hard. He’d been close with Tony at one point. Close enough to hurt when Steve left. He hadn’t said a word on the flight to Wakanda, and he was distant the entire week Bucky went through medical evaluations there. Honestly, it hit me hard too. I’d hoped to apologize eventually- one day, when Tony didn’t want to kill me anymore. I just wanted a chance to talk to him, tell him- fuck if I knew, just talk. Forgiveness was probably too much of a stretch, but maybe closure. Just something to stop the gnawing at my soul. They were my friends- Howard anyway. I didn’t get the chance to meet Maria.

“So, the Starks went from flying cars to time machines?”

Steve smiles weakly. “To be fair, there was a flying suit somewhere in the middle.”

I let out a genuine laugh, the first one in a long time before tonight, and watch Steve’s expression soften. Silence hangs in the air as Steve’s smile slowly returns. This is going to be rough. He got so excited explaining the plan. Almost looked like the old Steve again. The one the world hadn’t beat into the dirt. Before he lost everyone he loved. The man who dreamed of family and a backyard.

I take a drink of beer, holding it in my mouth before swallowing. “I’m not going with you.”

Steve’s head jerks up, eyebrows pinched together, and lips pursed. “What?”

“I’m not going.” I shake my head. He’s not going down without a fight.

“Buck, we can have everything we wanted. Tell them I found you on that last mission, and you were on the plane with me.” The words come out almost faster than Steve can say them. “You can find a girl, have a family.”

I suppress a snort, rather unsuccessfully. “Steve, what are we going to do about this, huh?” I wave at my left arm. “What if it malfunctions or gets damaged again?”

“We’ll let Howard take a look at it. I’m sure he can reverse engineer it.”

I groan. He’s so earnest it hurts. “You honestly expect me to be in the same room with him? Much less look him in the eyes!”

A pained expression covers Steve’s face. Clearly, he hadn’t thought it through. “They don’t know. And in the new timeline, that won’t ever happen.”

“But it did happen, Steve.” My voice is harsher than I intended, and Steve curls into himself slightly. “I’m sorry, pal. I just- I can’t go back.”

“You can start over. You’re not the Winter Soldier back then.”

“I’m not the Winter Soldier now,” I growl, eyes flaring. Images flash through my mind at the mention of the name.

Steve raises his hands. “I just meant, they won’t treat you like an animal.”

I take a deep breath, running a shaky hand through my hair. “It doesn’t matter where I go. Or when. I can’t outrun it.” I’ve tried. But saying that would break his heart.

Steve nods silently. “We won’t go, then.” He looks into his beer before taking a long drag, his first in at least an hour.

There it is. Punk. “No, Steve. _I_ won’t go.” I set my beer on the table with a solid clunk.

“Buck, I’m not going to leave you behind again.” Steve’s tone is rigid, though his eyes have lost their light. He blames himself for not looking harder after the train.

This world has done nothing but ask him to fight. And then turned its back when he refused to follow their rules. Use and abuse, that’s all the Army knows. All SHIELD knows. All the government knows.

“Yeah, yeah. End of the line and shit.” I laugh. “You never got over Peg. Not really. You can be happy with her.”

Steve shakes his head. “You’re just starting to remember, to recover.”

“I’ll be fine. Wilson’s a prick, but you said he’s a good guy. Counselor or something.” Might even be nice not having to put in the fake, cheery James Barnes façade all the time.

“He’s not certified. That doesn’t count.”

“You’re not certified, dumbass.”

“Yeah, but I’ll drag your dumbass to someone who is.”

I raise my beer to take a drink. “When did you turn into my mother?”

“Just repaying the favor.” Steve grins, character returning to his voice. He tips his beer in my direction and takes a drink.

“You need to go.” I lock eyes with Steve. “You got to take care of yourself too. You spent your whole life fighting somebody else’s battles.”

“So, did you.” Steve means it as a joke, but it comes out more serious than he intended. He knows it's true.

“Difference is,” I smirk at the attempt, “you can get yours back. I’m not the man I was in forty-five.”

Steve’s eyebrows draw together. “Buck, the Winter Soldier, that wasn’t you.”

But it was. Even if I couldn’t stop it. The dejected look on his face tells me I can’t tell him that. “I’m just- I’m not James Barnes anymore, or Bucky, and I’m certainly not the Winter Soldier. I’m- I’m still trying to figure out how they all fit together. I’ll be alright. Really.”

Steve nods, seemingly convinced. “Buck, you got to talk to someone. I don’t care who. Just talk.”

I agree. It’ll be easier when Steve’s gone. Looking at him now, I’m certain. Steve Rogers can never know about the Winter Soldier. The things I did, how I was treated, any of it. Steve blames himself for everything. That’s enough of a burden without the gory details.

“You’ll get my life back too, yeah?” I finish off my beer and point a finger at Steve.

Steve’s eyes go dark. “Buck, I can promise you, this time around, we will crush Hydra into the dirt.”

“Good.” I smirk, “Just promise not to get too caught up in all that shit. Enjoy your life this time around.”

“I’ll do my best,” he snickers. “What are you going to do without me?”

“Whatever the hell I want for starters.” I stand. “I’ll be fine. And you are going to marry Peg and have twelve little Irish babies because you’re a good Catholic.”

“Oh fu-” Steve drops his head to the table.

I stop in my tracks, eyes wide.

“Did you ever get a look at her dog tags?”

I raise an eyebrow. “You would’ve been the one in the position for that. Why?”

“Well, I’m pretty sure she’s not Catholic.” He raises his head slowly.

“Good luck getting _her_ approved.”

We laugh so hard, I can barely stay on my feet. After everything, he’s worried about what his priest will think of Carter. It’s so unbelievably Steve. Again, not entirely unwarranted. What I remember of Father Baker tells me he can be a real bastard, and Peg’s not exactly a peach. It’s going to take some work on both their parts. It’s almost worth going back just to see it.

Catching his breath, Steve stands and walks around the table, meeting me in the middle. “Get some rest. God knows you’ve earned it.” He takes my hand, pulling us into a quick hug.

I edge around Steve and walk to the hall. “You know you’re not my CO anymore.” I turn around, throwing him a lopsided grin and sloppy salute.

Steve shakes his head, smiling back, and makes his way to the elevator.

I rub my hands down my face, stopping to examine the bionic one. It still surprises me sometimes, seeing metal and sensors where flesh should be. At least it doesn’t hurt anymore.

The next day, when Steve misses his checkpoint for return, I know he went through with it. I know Steve has earned this, and I’m mostly glad he’ll be happy, but it still stings. He’s really gone. I take a deep breath and smile to myself. Steve is alright. For once, he’s probably safe. He’ll marry Peggy, probably have a few brats running around before too long. And they will be brats, because Steve sure as hell won’t tell them no.

I dig the toe of my boot into the dirt, listening to Wilson yell. Who would’ve thought Steve would find himself a girl, and not just a girl, a damn knockout? The bastard’s barely been gone a minute, and he’s probably already getting his rocks off. God knows they didn’t waste time during the war.

I glance over the lake and have to do a double take. Punk. Ass. Kid. “Sam.” He came back. Why the- “Go ahead.” I nod to Sam.

I smirk. Steve did it. He got everything he wanted. My smile fades as I realize the only reason Steve would come back. Peggy. The kids. Grandkids. He’d never leave his family.

I turn my attention back to the two men by the lake. I don’t have to wonder what Steve is saying to Sam. Someone needs to carry the shield.

What, why is Sam looking this way? Does he think- I don’t want the fucking thing.

I smile and incline my head.

The last thing I want is another fight. I’m over a hundred goddamn years old. I just want a nap and a sandwich. As long as Steve learned to keep his nose in his own business, maybe I can finally rest. No more fighting.

Sam makes his way back, handling the shield delicately. Doesn’t he know the damn thing’s indestructible?

“Steve said to ask if you’d mind making him some soup.” Sam claps me on the shoulder, shoving me toward the lake.

“You’re a bastard.” I shove Steve’s arm, taking a seat beside him.

“Come on.” Steve smiles, all teeth, and takes a long breath. “You used to make me soup all the time.”

“Thought I was finally free. I was going to go get me a girl.”

Steve smirks. “Til the end of the line, pal.”

**Author's Note:**

> Very interested in opinions on this piece! Open to discussion of Endgame ending as well.


End file.
